Being You

I am the Jekyll and Hyde of confidence. Some days I am so confident in who I am and what I’m doing, I want to shout it from every available rooftop. But other days (and they happen more often than I’d like), I avoid the Internet and computer at all costs. I’d much rather lie on the couch in a puddle of ugh and watch movies all day long.

And why is that? Is it normal? Or is this a characteristic of writers only?

I think it's hard being an artist of any form. You have this need to create. You can’t ignore it. You can’t avoid it. It is a part of who you are. And with that need comes the need to share it. And sharing it means sharing you. Everything an artist puts out there reveals a piece of who that person is.

Inevitably, you worry about how people will view you. Will they like me? Am I annoying? Do I seem unoriginal?

I want people to like me, obviously. But at what cost? Should I not say A, B and C because Group D might think I’m lame? And should I care if Group D thinks I’m lame?

It’s all very high school, isn’t it?

When these thoughts creep in, I try to tap into that part of me That Does Not Care. It’s a small part. It has a tiny corner in the Library of Jenn. But it’s there. And when I tell myself, Self, you can only be you and if someone doesn’t like you, you don’t need them anyway, I feel a million times better.

In the grand scheme of things, I must live my life the way I want to live my life. Because if I try to please everyone, and be what everyone else wants me to be, then who am I? I wouldn’t be Jenn anymore. I’d be Them.